Blogging in the Mommy Blog World

Having been a new mom 18 years ago, I've discovered something recently.

You guessed it, I'm old.  Older than dirt I think.  Or maybe dinosaurs.  Or God.  Maybe the universe.

Since this is my second blog, and the one that will probably bypass most of the testosterone audience (unless they have a tendency to search the web for pin-up girls) I've been trying to market this one a bit more aggressively.

Since I solemnly refuse to go around posting "follow me, follow me, pleeeeeeeeeeze" on social media networks and forums the world over, I did what most people would do.  I found a few blogs I really really liked and joined the blog hops there.

The only problem with that, well not really a problem, unless you enjoy feeling like the zit on a dinosaurs ass, is that there are a plethora of "mommy blogs" out there and well, I'm "over-qualified" in that arena.  There, I said it.  On the plus side, it's nice to be over-qualified.  I think.  Unless you're looking for a job, or blogging and trying to maintain the illusion that you're not REALLY all that old.

I can tell you that putting your baby on the washing machine, or driving them around to get them to sleep is a bad, bad idea.  Yep.  Unless you want to be tied to the washer or the car for the next three years and have to miss your favorite show on tv because you've got a terrible two who refuses to sleep because now he's used to being vibrated to sleep, or lulled into semi-consciousness.

I can tell you to not stop vacuuming or playing the radio at full blast when your new baby comes home.  Make those little miniature people get through the noise to get to sleep, otherwise you'll be living in a tomb for the next so many years because baby will wake up if you fart audibly.

I can tell you to check the feet of those little sleeper pajamas because all kinds of things find their way into the feet of those suckers in the washing machine and such things wrap around little toes, and if you've got a little boy, yeah, that stuff wraps around other things too.  Innocent things like hairs and strings can subject your little boy to a lifetime of gym harrassment. 

I can tell you that you WILL hear a thump one morning when your little angel discovers the crib doesn't go all the way to the ceiling.

I can tell you that your toddler will most assuredly eat things you will be mortified to discover just because they can.  This will also happen no matter how many hours you spend watching your little darling.  They're magic like that.

I can tell you that there will come a time that your precious little angel will lose at least one thing that you thought you couldn't live without.  Unless you've got a gun safe and keep anything and everything you love inside it.

I can tell you that just because your child likes to climb the walls and turn your ceiling fan into a jungle gym doesn't mean they're ADHD.  They're kids!  Stop medicating them for being kids.  Believe it or not, YOU know your kid better than the pediatrician.  Trust your instincts.  Use Ritalin when it's needed, not to suck the fun out of being a kid and doing crazy things to drive you crazy.

I will tell you that the first day of preschool, and kindergarten, and middle school and high school are oh so emotional, but more for you than the kids.  They're resilient like that.  By the time they meet the teacher, they've forgotten all about you until it's time to go home again.

I can tell you that pictures are priceless, but people get tired of looking at them.  Don't take it personally, they still love you.

I can tell you that the day will come when you'll question yourself as a parent, if you haven't already.  That day will the day your husband and/or wife will need to bring home chocolate and/or alcohol.  That too is okay, it'll pass, and you'll discover that you're going to screw up your kids one way or another.  You can't help it, there isn't a manual and no one would want a perfect kid anyway, that would be boring.

I can tell you that it's easy to be over-protective and hard to not be, but it's the most important thing you can do for your child to let them live and learn as much as is safe and possible.  That's the only way they learn how to become functioning adults.

I'll tell you there will come a day when you WILL want to commit murder in the name of your child.  Don't.  Please.  Think about how much they'd  miss you if you were in prison.  Daydream about it instead.  Or keep a journal where you can do whatever you want to the idiots in private.

I'll share that as they grow older they'll make decisions you won't agree with and part of being a good parent is realizing when they're old enough for you to sit down and discuss those decisions with them instead of trying for force your decisions on them.

I'll tell you that lying to your child is never a good idea.  Unless it's about Santa or the Easter Bunny, and even then things can get tricky.  If your kid asks if you ever did drugs or had sex before you got married?  Tell 'em the truth.  When it's time of course, procrastination works wonders when perfomed properly.  Your kids will respect you a lot more for owning up to your past, mistake or not, than they will when they discover (and they will) that you lied to them.

I'll tell you finally that the years will go by far too quickly, so you should make memories every day of their lives.  Before you know it they're grown and starting out on lives of their own and you'll still be reminiscing about the days you were writing your mommy blog about Little Suzie's first step or the first time Little Johnny went pee pee in the potty.

So there you have it.  I'm old.  I'm overqualified.  I've been there, done that, and you know what?  I'm still learning.  I've bypassed the days of having a baby, and a little girl, and a tween, and graduated to the time when I have a best friend, a daughter, a beautiful young woman who is no longer a little me, even though shes so much like me in so many ways it scares the hell out of me.  She's not perfect by any means, but she's mine, and I like to think that at the end of the day I survived the experience mostly intact, a little battered with a few heartaches along the way, but all in all?  I wouldn't change a thing, even if it meant I was 29 again.